Tuesday, June 12, 2001
A sunny spring lunch hour in Union Square. Juvenile butterflies alighting on the shoulder blades of the unsuspecting. U= nseasonably warm, unseasonably bright...unseasonably sexy! Time for an oily bevy of Brazilian-waxed bikini vixens to tur= n this urban siesta into a hot tub fiesta! In fact, conditions could be right for a Guiness-World-Record-setting hot-t= ub-pile-on, hosted by Carmen Electra, right here in New York City, the Cancun on the Hudson!
Or so we thought.
Perhaps our friend Darren best described today's BIG RED (tm) sponsored hot tub blowout in Union Square when he said that= he'd "seen Bingo games that were more exciting.."
Anyhow, the 2 of us waited for 20 minutes in front of a platform which was flanked with sagging inflatable palm trees, an= d within which a barrel-shaped above-ground pool was embedded. Production assistants with bulbous headphones scurried ab= out the stage.
Enter Electra herself. So uncerimoniously did she greet the crowd, we were utterly uncertain it was actually the former = Mrs. Rodman. Modestly, almost dowdily clad in a BIG RED (tm)-emblazoned one-piece bathing suit and shorts, she looked li= ke an extra at a "Baywatch-in-Dultuh" shopping-mall-opening of some sort.
While a seemingly endless line of pasty dudes slipped into the pool with no pomp whatsoever, Electra underscored the lame= ness of the event first by counting the hottubbers as they 'joined the party' (she got to 6, and then stopped) and then b= y punctuating the silence with an unenthusiastic "Aw Yeah.." every 15 seconds or so.
As the folks in the audience shifted from side to side in anticipation of something (anything!), Carmen declared that it was time to announce the winners of the raffle for a trip "with her" to Pu= erta Vallerta. After 20 minutes of dim-witted navel-gazing (her navel, not ours) it soon became clear we were simply wait= ing for one thing -- for Carmen herself to get wet. But after hearing her struggle through a few more raffle ticket numb= ers ("0-0-9-4-8-2-6-5... Aw yeah!"), it just didn't seem worth it.
In sum, thanks to the sponsors, at least we got to have cinnamon-fresh breath the rest of the afternoon...
-- allnstrtt
posted at 7:01 PM