Thursday, August 29, 2002
apparently, one of our ad sales guys here comes in in the morning... turns
on his computer... and then leaves the office for the ENTIRE day... returns
at 4:30... and then "works" until 5 when it is time to go home.
The person who told me used to work here, but she quit. I ran into her on
the street the other day and she told me that. The other story I love
about this guy is that he once fell asleep in his cubicle and conked his on
the desk, and arrived at a meeting with a big bump on his head (which
hadn't been there 30 mins earlier).
--AllnStrtt
posted at 6:19 PM
posted at 6:18 PM
Monday, August 26, 2002
Subject: Re: Revolt in the Den: DVD Sends the VCR Packing to the Attic
This awful article is strictly for grandparents, out-of-date suits, and soi
disant dollar prophets
-- Strength Through Failure
posted at 11:59 AM
Friday, August 23, 2002
C. was an usher at the wedding, and found out the day before, that the
wedding reception would be " very traditional" (ie. medieval) in that the
wedding party would sit in one long table up front, while the rest of the
serfs, I mean guests, would sit in regular tables facing them. This meant
that despite the fact that I spent $200 and flew from NYC just to be at the
wedding with C., and despite the fact that I knew not another soul
there, my date would not be sitting with me.
posted at 11:35 AM
Thursday, August 22, 2002
hi luv!
how is london treating you? i hope that in between the interviews and the
work, you've made it out to the pub for a few pints and a little bit of
flirtation with cute brit boys with bad teeth.
i somehow survived my time away, tho it is a bit miraculous that c. and
i didn't break up after all the crap we dealt with regarding that awful
wedding. may i vent?
you know, when i got to toronto, c. finally realized i had traveled all
the way just for him, and felt like he really wanted to be at the wedding
with me. so he called his friend and asked if he could serve as an usher
during the service, but that at the wedding, he would change out of the
usher tux and into a suit (for appearances sake), and sit with me and the
rest of the guests. the friend said it was fine. so the next day we went
shopping all day for a suit for him, because he didn't have one there.
then, we get to the church, and one of the bridesmaids pulls c. over and
hisses: "j. is REALLY upset that you're not going to be sitting at the
wedding party table. it's really stressing her out!"
[Editor's aside -- can you believe the rigidity and formality FROM SOMEONE
WHO WORKS IN A RECORD STORE? yes, the bride works at a record store. punk
is dead. long live punk.]
so, c. feels awful, even though he just met the bride only 2 days
earlier and there were 3 other ushers there who would happily sit at the
table. he says he needs to do his usher duty.
we fought horribly - -i said it was fine if he did his usher duty, but that
i didn't want to go to the reception. i really did not want to go to the
wedding and sit by myself, but in the end i aquiesced -- i sucked it up,
sat by myself and pounded white wine, because I realized that he had tried.
it's just that the bride was a total pathetic loser who wants noone but
herself to enjoy her wedding and who had nothing better to obsess over.
which, at the wedding, i realized was totally true! the bride's brother
gave a speech that was unintentially funny that went something like --
"before j. met s., she was really lost.. she had no direction in
her life." And when the bride herself went up to give a speech, she said
in a little baby-girl voice "thank you.. for saving me."
the kicker? the bride and groom are honeymooning in new york city. c.
asked me last night if i wanted to meet them sometime this week. i must
have given him an awfully funny, look, cuz then he said, "oh.. well, maybe
in a few years then?"
maybe in a few years then.
the rest of the trip was really nice, but as always, i am happy to be back
in new york.
write me when you can with london adventures.
-- AllnStrtt
posted at 3:08 PM
The rest of the trip was awesome though. We drove out to stay with his
cousins in the country and they were the greatest family you could ever
hope to meet. They live in an old victorian house in the country, and the
kids (age 10, 11, 14) were well-adjusted, smart and adorable and fun, and
we spent all our time going sailing and swimming and waterskiing with them
(they had a trampoline in their backyard too!). At night we played
hide-and-seek with flashlights in the dark, and then hung out and drank
wine with their parents. They're not rich or anything -- Charles is a
mechanic, and Diane works in a bank, but they really have it together, you
know?
The daughter, Katie, age 11, has a sign on her door that says: " I
hate.... Nike, meat, slaughterhouses, the French.." I took a picture of
it. It is so cool.
--AllnStrtt
posted at 2:34 PM
Thursday, August 15, 2002
The Naqoyqatsi Promo
ddaavveeeedd: looks like a cnn promo
ddaavveeeedd: we need to resume above-ground nuclear testing so they don't have to keep reusing those old clips of houses and trees being blown away
Zipern: If there were any justice in the world MTV would give Godfrey Reggio a quarter for every video they play.
posted at 6:16 PM
"Morally Responsible" mutual fund firm blasts WalMart for displaying Cosmo
The Timothy Plan is launching a national campaign to get WalMart to take "soft-core pornography" like Cosmopolitan off its checkout shelves, or wrap them in opaque covers like Playboy. The group alleges that Cosmo and magazines like it are part of a "slippery slope. It's the initiation to hard core pornography, child molestation, bestiality and worse."
Go to Article
posted at 6:01 PM
Wednesday, August 14, 2002
From EMunchee's mom:
posted at 4:01 PM
RebeccaNYT: "I could dance all night," Mindy said. "I wish Jimmy liked to dance more. But I don't care if I'm out on the floor all by myself. This is my day!"Zipern: Dr. Lingren then retired to the bar, where he proceeded to drink heavily.
RebeccaNYT: ha
Zipern: I can read this article over and over again!
Zipern: "I'm pretty sure I've set my all-time single-day record for awkward conversations,"
RebeccaNYT: it is just so good. it makes me so annoyed that we are all reading and laughing and communally protecting our wedding-obsessed friends from it
RebeccaNYT: unless you were so brave?
Zipern: I know. I've had to be very careful who I send it to.
RebeccaNYT: BUT THOSE ARE THE PPLE WHO NEED TO SEE IT THE MOST. THE ONION SPEAKS FOR ME
Zipern: That's what I told Kate.
Zipern: The rules of social conduct obligate guests to endure the entire experience with a surface patina of strained gaiety, a mask of merrymaking and good cheer that becomes progressively more difficult to maintain as the event drags on."
RebeccaNYT: so true
posted at 3:56 PM
How do you feel about the Anna Nicole Smith show? I
know this is probably an irritating moot point kind of
question, but I am curious. I was sooo looking forward
to it, and now I think I may stop watching it. She is
just such an awful junkie idiot, there is nothing
worth watching for. It is not even funny. Just a
creep-o-rama fest. And her lawyer makes me crazy. How
has someone not revoked his right to practice? If I
were Pierce Marshall, I would be literally kicking in
every t.v. set I owned. And the fact that they tried
to make her whole bringing home of the ashes thing
actually poignant in some way with the warbling music
and her crying with her big red lip print on her
lawyers face. No rush, but I would like to know your
opinion. Also, the people at doggy day care are so
concerned about Macho's breath, they felt the need to
bring it to my attention. As if I didn't know. We got
him doggy breath mints. Now it smells like old dead
rotting fish that has been mixed with Scope.
Deeeeelicious.
-- owner of Macho
posted at 3:55 PM
Best Onion article ever...
Wedding Enjoyed By No One But Bride
NEW ROCHELLE, NY--The lavish, 250-guest wedding of James and Mindy
Gallagher, held Sunday at the New Rochelle Country Club, was enjoyed
by no one but the bride.
http://www.theonion.com/onion3829/wedding_enjoyed.html
posted at 1:07 PM
Monday, August 12, 2002
SniffyX: The right is somehow allowed to have the most insane, firebreathing droolers on tv and radio, but Noam Chomsky says one crazy thing and the entire Left jumps on his ass. It's the Nader syndrome.
posted at 2:39 PM
S.T.F. on the Jason Priestly Crash:
Remember what happened to Bobby in the second "Brady Bunch Reunion TV
Movie"? Poor Bobby.
"For him these wounds were the keys to a new sexuality born from a perverse
technology."
He's one of the Dashboard Angels now. Those blessed medallions: our
Protectors.
David Cronenberg might be wise to adapt the events for a Lifetime Movie of
the Week, featuring the very same cast of "Love and Death on Long Island."
FAST COMPANY / TILL THE DAY I DIE!"
posted at 2:03 PM
Thursday, August 08, 2002
Zipern: Zipern.com is back online. Any contributions?
ddaavveeeedd: http://www.waxy.org/archive/2002/07/21/the_emin.shtml
posted at 6:02 PM
Cash-Strapped Michael Jackson Forced To Sell Off Pet Giraffes As Meat
NEVERLAND VALLEY RANCH, CA—Nearly bankrupt due to Sony exploitation and under-promotion, Michael Jackson was forced to sell more than two dozen of his beloved pet giraffes to exotic-meat suppliers Monday. "I will greatly miss Patches and Princess and the other giraffes," Jackson said in a statement read by his lawyer. "But Tommy Mottola has cruelly left me with no choice but to pawn off some of my dearest friends in order to survive." Jackson's financial situation is reportedly so dire that he's also had to make do with a bargain-brand anal bleach.The Onion
posted at 5:45 PM
Zipern: Zipern.com is back. It's taking a long time to get back up to speed though. Any witty contributions?
SniffyX: The Snoop Dogg joke?
Zipern: What was it again?
SniffyX: What does Snoop Dogg use to wash his laundry?
Zipern: what?
SniffyX: Blee-ach.
SniffyX: How quickly they forget.
Zipern: Boo Ya!
SniffyX: Rim shot!
SniffyX: Here's another one.
SniffyX: What does the stripper do with her asshole before she goes onstage?
Zipern: Hit me.
SniffyX: Drop him off at band practice.
Zipern: ba da bing!
Zipern: What do you call that guy who hangs out with the band?
SniffyX: Jackie Mason here.
SniffyX: What?
Zipern: the drummer.
SniffyX: Heh. I'm sure you've heard the classic "what's the hardest thing about fucking an 8 year-old?"
Zipern: what?
SniffyX: Getting the blood off your clown suit.
Zipern: God, that's a great joke.
SniffyX: I used to yell it out at parties. Made me the popular person I am today.
posted at 5:43 PM
Andrew,
Last night's episode of Reel New York on Ch. 13, and next week's as
well, feature several short films related to the "September 11th"
excitements. One of them stands prominent to the rest of the pack: one of
the North Tower's artists-in-residence video-taped a series of vistas on
September 10th, and, unusual for her (or so she claims), she took the tape
home from the studio when she left the WTC late that evening. This film is
the result. Program your little smart-box.
Well, last night pretty much sucked with you all. But, thank goodness
we didn't head over the Slipper Sloppy earlier; S.P. and I decided to "slip"
in for a nightcap, and, let me tell you, I had a vision of pain in that
place. The horizon far and wide was swollen with a trolling mass of preppy
minions, and a few of these males instantly pegged S.P. and J.R. as native
interlopers who had no business on their fetid plain. I felt like an A-rab,
a Musselman. I was honestly scared. S.P. approached the bar to flirt with
his cute, blonde barmaid friend, while I watched two guys eye him with rage;
one dude even cracked his knuckles! Meanwhile, I discreetly stood in the
background while two other Frat Rats gazed over their shoulders at me and
bellicosely asked each other, "You know him? I don't!" and whatnot; it
seemed like the stay-away-or-the-girlies-might-think-I'm-gay kind of thing.
Maybe we ought to fly Snake Plissken into the Ludlow Street "barrio" for a
little sweep-and-clear, you dig?
Anyway, we're lucky to have gotten out without an infraction. Sheesh.
People are really mean, stupid, selfish and...hungry and thirsty.
And then: so, I'm always sanguine for a drunken bike-ride. I get to ye
olde Manhatta Viaduct, and lo: the upper roadway has been blockaded, so what
stoppest thou from traversing its welcoming lanes in a solo flight of most
becalmed reverie?!? And yea, I trundled forward upon its smooth macadam. But
in my besotted state I did most sorrily forget that these airborne trestles
do connect by means of tooth-like gaps, expansion-contraction lips of metal
which do not take kindly to gentle rubber feets, the likes of which mine
bicycle does behoof itself of! And alack, deflate my rear-tire did! There,
mid-bridges! By foot I did complete the passage, after first waylaying the
security detail, the men of whom seemed to be too busy at work washing
"clean" the dusty surface of said roadway with "gray water" to notice the
stray pedestrian acommpanied by crippled pennyfarthing in their midst...
-- Strength Through Failure
posted at 5:40 PM
...yeah, but if my sister was having a sex toy party instead of a cooking
utencil party, i'd be there in a heartbeat.
--AllnStrtt
posted at 5:38 PM
i dunno thats a tough one.
i think iwill probably have salad like every fucking day.
i am starting to hate salad.
are your coworkers starting to hate you?
i am wearing my blue shoes and i am starting to worry that no one is going to show up at my show.
no one likes me everyone hates me.
-- Emils Migillicuddy
posted at 5:29 PM
This dog is named "macho"
posted at 5:28 PM
Op-ed from National Review:
From the tiny District of Columbia, with its even tinier percentage of
conservatives and neoconservatives, it is my high privilege to nominate as
the Conservative Capital of the World the small town of Somerset, Pa. The
rolling hills near Somerset became the final resting place of the heroic
passengers and crew of United Airlines Flight #93 on September 11, 2001.
They also hosted the "miracle at the mine" during the night of July 27-28,
2002, when nine miners trapped in cold water 241 feet underground were by an
amazing feat of conservative discipline, competence, professionalism, and
unyielding faith, brought up into new life from virtually certain death.
It is well understood that UA #93 brought a new birth of patriotism, a new
love for the land of the brave.
posted at 5:20 PM
Enough of your "Paris" your "India" your "England"....what's next? A club med weekend in "St. Tropez"? How about a jaunt on the Spanish steps in Rome where you can eat overpriced pasta and enjoy a bottle of warm 2002 Merlot....? Fuck that. Real adventure calls! Think about it? Then again, if you want to go to the "Bahamas" I hear Paradise Island is a ton of fun. They have those great water parks with slides that shoot you down into the beautiful sea, plus real bars in the swimming pools where they serve you Daquiries.....For that, though, I recommend Spring Break month. That might be more your speed.
-- Jimmy P
posted at 5:18 PM
AllnStrtt:
oh my god. my sister is having a tupperware party..
---------------------
Hi Everyone,
Hope you are enjoying your summer and dealing with this heat!
I wanted to let you know that I will be hosting a "Pampered Chef" party at
my house on Thursday, September 12. For those of you who have not heard of
Pampered Chef parties, basically what happens is a woman will come to my
house and demonstrate different cooking utensils while making certain
recipes. And, after her demostration you can purchase these utensils. It's
supposed to be a lot of fun.
So mark the date, invite your friends and/or family and I will see you
soon.
Love, Sherri
posted at 3:54 PM
